I have no doubt that being a Type A personality contributed to the health problems I have struggled with for a good part of my life. It is inevitable that you are going to wind up paying a price if you are a people-pleaser. A perfectionist. And a person who pushes until you can't push anymore.

In the last few years I became more enlightened and recognized the importance of honoring my body, mind, and spirit. I believed I had moved past demanding so much of myself, though I would sometimes find myself unconsciously slipping back into those old patterns of pushing too hard, seeking perfection, and doing for others even when it was detrimental to my own well-being.

I have continued to work on this, and recently had some experiences that indicate I have made great progress. My life's passion is still helping others, I still try to give 100%, and I do believe in hard work. But as I have learned to become an observer in my own life, I am better able to recognize when I am crossing the line from doing good, to doing too much. When you are truly present in your own life, and are in touch with your inner guide, it is possible to be more in tune with what makes you feel good, and what feeds you, instead of depletes you.

I have found that working at keeping myself in the present moment has not only helped me to be more personally aware, but has also allowed me to have stronger, healthier relationships as I am now able to judge others less, and be more accepting of their limitations.

So if you are a Type A and want to change this pattern of behavior, pay attention to your actions and reactions....be an observer in your own life. Listen to the words you speak, and be mindful of the thoughts you think. Don't judge, just be aware. Of how these things make you feel, how they impact your physical body, your mind, and especially your spirit. Being present in your own life can help you to identify the behaviors that need to be worked on, and the patterns that need to be broken. You may not be perfect, but as a work-in-progress you may just find that you are happy to just "B"!! ~ Andrea :-)

As I sat down to journal tonight my thoughts were on the July 4th holiday...which somehow started me thinking about the word independence, and what it means to me...

Independence holds great meaning for me. I suppose that is because we often don't truly appreciate something until we have lost it...and that is exactly what happened to me. I have always been an extremely independent person - always the first to try new things, to stand up for what I believe in, to buck the trends that don't suit me. Even after I got married, and learned the rules of sharing and giving, I think I always held on to a small part of myself, always fearful of completely losing "me" and my independence.

And then along came an illness that not only robbed me of my quality of life, but took away something that I had always cherished: my freedom and the ability to be independent. The unrelenting and overwhelming fatigue I experienced, followed by a virus in my inner ear causing nerve damage that resulted in severe vertigo, left me barely able to walk, let alone drive. And although I am extremely grateful for the blessing of having found my way back to a much greater level of health, some of the remants of the inner ear damage remains, precluding me from driving.

And so part of my long journey to healing has not just been about the recovery of my phyiscal symptoms, but also about rediscovering my identity and sense of purpose. I went from the extreme of being completely independent of others, to having to rely on family and friends to drive me wherever I need to go. At one time I viewed this as irony, I now see this experience as an opportunity that has allowed me to grow, to evolve, and to access a resilience that I never knew I had.

I've finally discovered that it's ok to need other people, that I don't have to always be the one giving, it's ok to take sometimes, too. I may not always like the circumstances of my life, but I have learned to accept them. Each day I do my best to make lemonade from whatever lemons life may have decided to throw my way.

My perspective on life may have changed a bit through the years, but my definition of independence hasn't. Being independent isn't about going it alone, it's about taking a hand and then finding a way to give back to someone else. It's about defying the odds, and never quitting, and facing your fears knowing that no matter what, you will find a way.

Happy Independence Day!! ~ Andrea :-)