As I sat down to journal tonight my thoughts were on the July 4th holiday...which somehow started me thinking about the word independence, and what it means to me...

Independence holds great meaning for me. I suppose that is because we often don't truly appreciate something until we have lost it...and that is exactly what happened to me. I have always been an extremely independent person - always the first to try new things, to stand up for what I believe in, to buck the trends that don't suit me. Even after I got married, and learned the rules of sharing and giving, I think I always held on to a small part of myself, always fearful of completely losing "me" and my independence.

And then along came an illness that not only robbed me of my quality of life, but took away something that I had always cherished: my freedom and the ability to be independent. The unrelenting and overwhelming fatigue I experienced, followed by a virus in my inner ear causing nerve damage that resulted in severe vertigo, left me barely able to walk, let alone drive. And although I am extremely grateful for the blessing of having found my way back to a much greater level of health, some of the remants of the inner ear damage remains, precluding me from driving.

And so part of my long journey to healing has not just been about the recovery of my phyiscal symptoms, but also about rediscovering my identity and sense of purpose. I went from the extreme of being completely independent of others, to having to rely on family and friends to drive me wherever I need to go. At one time I viewed this as irony, I now see this experience as an opportunity that has allowed me to grow, to evolve, and to access a resilience that I never knew I had.

I've finally discovered that it's ok to need other people, that I don't have to always be the one giving, it's ok to take sometimes, too. I may not always like the circumstances of my life, but I have learned to accept them. Each day I do my best to make lemonade from whatever lemons life may have decided to throw my way.

My perspective on life may have changed a bit through the years, but my definition of independence hasn't. Being independent isn't about going it alone, it's about taking a hand and then finding a way to give back to someone else. It's about defying the odds, and never quitting, and facing your fears knowing that no matter what, you will find a way.

Happy Independence Day!! ~ Andrea :-)