Friday, November 14, 2008
"If only..."
I am fascinated as I sit here and watch my sweet dog, Hailee, chase after her tail...round and round and round and round...why is it that it matters not at all to her that she never catches it - is it that she enjoys the mindlessness of running in circles, or is it that she can't let go of the hope that one day she will catch it??

I suppose I have done quite a bit of tail chasing myself...well that's how it feels when I think about all of the time, energy and wasted effort I have spent on chasing nirvana...that place of perfect health, complete happiness, and always being in a state of peace. And if you are anything like me you may have been doing a bit of tail chasing yourself...playing the "if only" game:

If only I had _____. If only I could find _____. If only I was able to _____. If only ____ would happen.

And on occasion the "if only" actually comes true - we get exactly what it is we were so sure we needed to make us happy, to bring us peace, to make life right. Unfortunately when you get that "if only" it is usually followed with a "but now if I could only..."

Well it's taken me a while, but I have finally discovered a truth that has transformed my life - there is no such thing as if only...because we, as is life, is fluid...constantly changing and evolving...so absolutely nothing is going to last forever, and there is no if only that is going to make everything all right forever. Sure there are moments when everything comes together and life does feel just right...but even then it is so easy to start thinking, "well if I only had ____ things would be even better..." or "if I could only _______ my life would be perfect." Well guess what...even if you get that, there is probably going to be another "but now if only" to follow...

So I do my best to live in this moment...right here, right now...with no "if onlys." Simply enjoying whatever I have in this moment and doing all I can to make the most of it. Not that I don't strive to improve, to do better and be better...but I have finally figured out that there is no one "if only" that will make everything perfect...I make the choice in each moment to be grateful for the place I am right now, with all that I have right now, with who I am right now...and I embrace the peace I have found by no longer needing to say, "if only..." ~ Andrea :-)
Written at 8:50 AM by Andrea.
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