Friday, July 25, 2008
A promise kept...
When my father passed away 5 years ago my sister and I wondered how long Mom could survive, her heart broken at the loss of her soulmate and partner of 52 years. It was hard to imagine her being able to go on without him...he was her rock and she relied on him so very much. But Mom surprised us all - although her heart was heavy she did her best to go on. It wasn't easy, but her strong will and determination helped her to take slow, small steps forward.

Within a year or two we began to notice a decline, both physcial and mental. There were subtle changes at first, but in time we were told that her early stage dementia had progressed and she would need to be moved to a facility specializing in memory care. After an exhaustive search we were blessed to find a wonderful home for her - a loving, caring environment where she was surrounded by kind and compassionate people. Although her mental and physical health continued to decline, Mom throughly enjoyed her new home and the great people she lived with.

Although my family was very close-knit, I never had a particularly close relationship with my mother...we were very different people who didn't share many common interests. Years ago my mother stayed with us while my Dad was away, and she seemed to not be herself. I remember her evenutally confessing that she was concerned that one day when my father was gone she was worried about what would happen to her. I assured her that I would always be there for her, and promised should the day ever come that I would take good care of her.

And so I kept my promise...I visited her frequently, took her on outings until she was no longer able. Then our visits were just time spent together - sitting outside enjoying the sun, watching the clouds float by, listening to the birds chirp...and chatting about the things we both loved most - our family and friends. She always perked up when I would visit and so I knew that even though she couldn't say so, she always knew who I was.

This last year she didn't speak very much and so I did most of the talking...and she became a very good listener. I came to know her body language - she didn't need to say a word but I could tell when she was tired, hungry, or in pain. We would sit quietly side-by-side, just grateful for this time together as we both knew these days wouldn't last forever.

One of the best days we ever spent together was a few months ago when I brought along the manuscript for a book I had just completed to show her, and then decided to try reading it to her. I would stop frequently to see if I was tiring her out, but she would indicate she wanted me to continue, and so I did until I had read her the entire book. When I was finished she gave me one of her rare smiles and nodded when I asked her if she liked it. Even now the memory of that day fills my heart with great joy.

The next few months were difficult for both of us - Mom was suffering and watching her decline was so very hard. I did my best to brighten her day - visiting more often so she never felt alone...and reminding her that I understood she was struggling and would do everything I could to ease her burden. Although words never passed between us, I could feel her gratitude and love - and this gave me the strength to continue.

Last week things took a bad turn and Mom could no longer get out of bed. I was sitting with her when she looked over at me and smiled, then closed her eyes for what would I thought would be a brief rest. Sadly, it was the last time she would open her eyes...and two days later she was gone.

I have learned so much the last five years - about my mother, and about myself. I now know we were both much more alike than I had ever realized...we were both much stronger than either of us had imagined...and that from love and trust a special bond could grow that not even death would be able to break. Though Mom is gone, I take great comfort knowing that she is at peace, and that we journeyed together through some very difficult times...and despite all the obstacles, we found our way to one another. God bless you Mom - I pray your spirit is eternally blessed with peace and love. Yours forever, Andrea xoxo
Written at 9:02 PM by Andrea.
1 comments | 
1 Comments:
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Ang - I finally took some time today to look at your most recent postings. What lovely sentiments regarding your mom. Your memories of her, no matter how long ago, will stay with you forever.

I also read your blog on the 1970s - what a history we share - makes me smile just to think about it.
Monday, 28 July, 2008  
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